Friday, May 22, 2015

Kindergarten Quotes

Another year of teacher Kindergarten has (almost) passed. This year as I heard my students say hilarious things, I wrote them down. Here are my favorit of the year's worth of Kindergarten quotes from my class. (I'm putting some of my favorites in bold. 

He was going to say a nice word, but instead he said asshole.
(I also had a lot of really foul mouthed students this year. But they're 5 so it made it funny)

What happens if you mix blue science and purple science?

You owe me 50 and sexy cents 

Teacher, somebody farted on this book 

Thank you for the yummy crackers that are going into my intestines 

I have two dads. One with no hair and one with YES! Hair! 

During science I was holding containers of different color liquids. Students were making hypothesis of what they were first by the color, then smell. We held up a container with yellow lemon juice and asked, “What could be in this container?” one student replied, “Maybe it’s moose pee!”

(angrily) I hope you’re happy! Santa is watching you! 

Why did you throw that away? –Mrs. Deklerk
Because my brain said so.

You really have such a gentle voice. 

One time, I ate a quarter. But don’t worry, I pooped it out! 

I’m allergic to peanuts, but only on Fridays. 

What is bullying? 
Trying to knock over pins with a ball.

Spiders are nice, except the mean ones. 

Teacher is dancing… EW! 

When you turn 13 you’re a teenager and then you get braces. 

Mrs. D. why did you where that shirt today? 
Because I wanted to. 
Well you look like a zebra. 

I don’t want to go to first grade because then my teeth will fall out. 

Bye trevor from another mother! 

We are a team! Can we PLEASE work together!? 

The day after the lesson on Martin Luther King Jr. students were not saying nice things to each other. One student stepped in. “Love makes more love. Hate makes more hate. Hate gets rid of love and love gets rid of hate. So we just need to be nice to each other.”

Mrs. D. They aren’t playing nice. I don’t think Martin Luther King would have liked that. 

You’re in love with her because you like her snack so much. 

One, two, three, four, hug your teacher on the floor! 

Why did you do that? 
“Well my brain said so and I just forgot to say no.” 

“I can blow my balloon up now because I’m 6.” –Student 1 (on her 6th birthday) 
“I must be 6 too then because I can blow mine up too!” –student 2

“My balloon farted.” 

“Raise your hand if this is the best day you’ve ever had!” 

Mr. Merrell man is on our pictures too! 

“Do we have any more juice?”
 No it’s all gone. 
“You must have gotten crazy this weekend and drank it all!” 

He’s sucking on the chair leg!

“How do I write Y? Where is Y in my mind? Ahh come out Y, come out!”

“The snow is boiling cold!” 

“Caydn is Russian like me! He told me in the cafeteria!” 

“My birthday is in 11 years!” 

Can we say dang it instead?
 “Well… my mom taught me to say damn it.”

“Teacher, you are the smartesterest!”

“I feel like I’m about to fart. (grunting) Ah done.” 

“My mom was a zombie, but she didn’t eat me.” 

“Here I can help you.”
“Okay Caitlin smarty pants.” Caydn

“Can I fart in your face real quick?” 

After she got upset and walked over to the corner, “What’s up?” 
“I’m okay, I just need a minute to cool my jets.” 

Me:“Will you grab that for me?” 
“Yes your majesty” 

He said stupid! 
“it’s an okay word for a 6 year old.” 

“I CAN CARRY EVERYTHING! …except teachers.”

(Holding up his paper with his name written on it) “Look teacher, I wrote it in Spanish!” 

“Mrs. D. Can I please go sit over there? I CANNOT sit by a Broncos fan!” 

“Sometimes I just feel like I want to kiss you!” 

“You smell yummy. Like a dishwasher.”

“I love this school! I love it I love it I love it, because we can do anything here… and I love the learning.” 

(After coloring Easter Eggs) I’m all done with mine. Now they’ll hatch into little Kalvins!” 

“Can I go to the bathroom?” 
“Thank you teacher for being so understanding.” (with a bow)

“Silas and me are brothers, just brothers from another mother.”

“I’m trustworthy a little bit. Except Tuesdays.” 

Mindfulness outside!? Boo yah!

The weather is sunny and birdie. 

Look Mrs. D.! I can color coconuts.

She had electricity for breakfast. 

Hey everybody! Ellie loves me, she wrote it in her diary!

To a song, “what do you do if you have a big butt??"

Some of our parents can't come see us sing because their boss will fire them if they leave.

Me: I’m going to run to the restroom real quick. 
“Okay, but did I really need to know that?”